Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Kneel before Zod!

After predicting Philander Chase's defeat in Lent (sic) Madness, Crusty Old Dean, as is his prerogative, has no problem switching courses and exulting in his predecessor's (as dean of Bexley Hall) stunning upset victory over some Roman Catholic monk who hung out with Buddhists (please do not point out COD spent 10 years as interreligious officer for the Episcopal Church).

There can be only several possibilities here.

1) The resistance to Lent (sic) Madness, Lenten madness, is firmly taking root. Scott Gunn, perched in his super villain fortress four floors above the Queen City, surrounded by his minion, must be quivering that his naked attempt to take down an obscure Episcopal Church bishop with a weird name and whose only known photo looks like Jonathan Winters with a best-selling, world reknowned spiritual figure who has actually crossed over into the cultural mainstream has failed miserably.

2) Crusty Old Dean has some real potential as a B-list nemesis for Scott Gunn, perhaps moving up from Tarantula to Hammerhead status. There are still several weeks that remain before his arch-nemesis returns, and perhaps Kingpin status beckons for COD.

3) People online thought that Philander was just a really cool name, not realizing it was lacking the final "-er".

The fact that Crusty Old Dean's father was a Massachusetts Democratic Party boss has nothing to do with the results. You may be assured all voters were alive at the time of their votecasting.

Sadly, retribution has been swift and merciless. Students at Bexley Hall and our sister school, Trinity Lutheran, awoke to check the results to make sure votes from Guam and Hawaii did not tip the election overnight to Merton. However, students living in the dormitories using the Trinity server and students using the Bexley Hall network and server found themselves all banned, as has COD himself, since COD and CODW have separate laptops but the same home network. Apparently, for Lent (sic) Madness, there is no one person-one vote, but each person must have their own computer/laptop and own network. In America, COD believed that
a) the poll tax was outlawed by Constitutional amendment,
b) we had rights of due process
c) we had the right to challenge our accusers

But not in the current dystopian future that Forward Movement is seeking to impose. Do they not realize this is the kind of thing in a backstory that pushes someone over the edge and helps them level jump from minor villain to major villain? COD had sought second tier nemesis status, but Gunn may have just gotten himself a Green Goblin to go along with his Tim Schenck Doctor Octopus.

In the end, though, we should not lose sight of the fact that the people have spoken. To celebrate, Crusty Old Dean will share the Kenyon College Philander Chase song (COD is astonished that Kenyon retains any corporate memory of its past life as an Episcopal college that housed a seminary for 144 years):

The first of Kenyon's goodly race
Was that great man Philander Chase;
He climbed the Hill and said a prayer,
And founded Kenyon College there.
He climbed the Hill and said a prayer,
And founded Kenyon College there.

He dug up stones, he chopped down trees,
He sailed across the stormy seas,
And begged at every noble's door,
And also that of Hannah More.
And begged at every noble's door,
And also that of Hannah More.

The King, the Queen, the Lords, the Earls,
They gave their crowns, they gave their pearls
Until Philander had enough
And hurried homeward with the stuff.
Until Philander had enough
And hurried homeward with the stuff.

He built the College, built the dam
He milked the cow, he smoked the ham,
He taught the classes, rang the bell,
And spanked the naughty freshmen well.
He taught the classes, rang the bell,
And spanked the naughty freshmen well.

And thus he worked with all his might
For Kenyon College, day and night;
And Kenyon's heart still holds a place
Of love for Old Philander Chase.
And Kenyon's heart still holds a place
Of love for Old Philander Chase.

COD has only two comments to make with regard to this song:

1) It's astonishing how little the job description for a seminary dean has changed.
2) Mmm...ham...


1 comment:

  1. Hmmm. Would sworn testimony be part of this due process?

    ReplyDelete